In High School I was under the naïve impression that men and women COULD actually be friends. In fact I had lots of guy friends. Truth be told being the only girl with two brothers I preferred to hang with guys! Football players, band members, baseball players, guys in my classes, I was so o.k. with just being FRIENDS. Men bring a certain kind of energy—that YIN, YANG thing—that I love.
One guy in particular was my BEST friend throughout 11th grade. He was the first person I told about my boyfriend drama, or my family drama…we had class together, ate lunch together…did what best friends do. The beach was close to where I lived, so one day we drove to the beach to hang out. We grabbed a couple of glasses, something to drink and strolled along the seashore. The beach is my absolute FAVORITE place on the planet to be . . . so I was darn near in heaven! Chillin with my friend until he turned and asked me, “have you ever seen us as more than friends?”Whoa…what the?! My internal brakes slammed on…before I could stop myself I was saying EWWWWWWWW!!! NO! You’re my best friend…like a brother!! I saw his face ever so slowly start to contort and then I saw the hurt and disappointment show through his eyes.
Another male friend bit the dust. The relationship was never able to recover AND that’s when I figured out there is no way on the planet for men and women to be JUST FRIENDS! Yet all the advice out there suggests that couples should be friends and lovers.
But exactly how does friends work? Is it a given to have to move into the friends with benefits category? Hold up … Does a man even really want a friend? Or maybe he just really wants a freak? And how does he choose his FOREVER LADY? What if you ain’t giving up THE COOKIES before you get married? Are you doomed to always be just THE FRIEND?
It is apparent to me that MEN WANT BAD GIRLS. But just who are the bad girls? Carole Lieberman is author of the book “BAD GIRLS: WHY MEN LOVE THEM & HOW GOOD GIRLS CAN LEARN THEIR SECRETS.” She says there are 12 types of BAD GIRLS:
• The addict
• The sex siren
• The sexual withholder
• The gold-digger
• The married woman on the prowl
• The commitment-phobe
• The husband hunter and trapper
• The husband stealer
• The ultimate damsel in distress
• The cougar
• The ball-buster
• And The bad girl scorned
Whatever category she fits into, Carole says a bad girl is sexy, attractive, alluring, bold, seductive, fun, wild, exciting, flirtatious, cunning and smart. No wonder men are attracted to BAD GIRLS. They know just what a man wants to hear and just what he wants her to do to make him feel cared for. But if we’re honest, as women we grow up knowing that it’s expected that we are to have a split personality: GOOD GIRL public image; BAD GIRL private life. But what happens when you can’t reconcile the two demands? What happens to your self-esteem and your emotions if you can never seem to move out of the FRIEND category or FREAK category? If you’re a best friend or a booty call can you ever hope to be THE ONE?
Well that’s what I talked about: FRIEND, FREAK OR FOREVER LADY?! LISTEN TO THE SHOW HERE.
I am your Chief Empowerment Officer JENNIFER KEITT and The Jennifer Keitt Show airs on KISS 104, Atlanta’s R&B every Sunday evening from 7 -8 pm ET.
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