If you believe the statistics literally everyone, everywhere deals with infidelity. Cheating has unfortunately become one of the most common problems in relationships. I’ve asked myself time and time again, what makes people cheat? What would make ME cheat? Does every one man or woman have the potential to be unfaithful? Is cheating like a contagious disease that’s infected and spread to all of us? Or is cheating an individual decision, a lifestyle or a way of living? Are we taught to cheat? Is it something we learn?
In my life, I grew up in a home where cheating was “NORMAL” if I can use that word. I don’t know when exactly I knew but for as long as I can remember I’ve known that my Dad kept other women on the side. I’m not sure if he just repeated the brokenness he was raised in…or if he just decided that his libido would make all of his relationship decisions. My Dad was what I call a serial cheater. He owned a West Indian Grocery Store in upstate New York when I was growing up. We lived in Connecticut, so he’d travel daily between the business and home. And the times when he was too tired to drive, he’d just sleep in a storage area inside the grocery store….he just wouldn’t necessarily sleep there alone.
One time my Mom went to the store unannounced to bring him some needed store supplies. She had my baby brother in her arms as she knocked on the back door of the grocery store. She heard movement inside but when my Dad took way too long to answer, she began walking around to the front of the store. As she made her way to the front—which was glass by the way—my Father was trying to push the other woman out the front door! There’s my Mom with groceries in one arm and my baby brother in the other, staring at the other woman and my Dad who’d just been CAUGHT cheating! It got pretty ugly that time, knives might have been wielded –but that didn’t end the marriage. Feelings were stuffed, behavior didn’t change and life kindof went on. My Mom stayed and stayed and stayed until after 17 years, she left. Maybe 17 years of stuffing feelings, explanations that failed and the sheer exhaustion of being in an unfaithful marriage finally took its toll.
Cheating is a pretty straight forward deal when you think about it. You’re committed to one person and you decide you want someone else too. But why? What’s in us that pushes us to cheat? Is it about sex? Is it about needs? Is it because our spouse isn’t fulfilling our wants? Or is it because our co-worker listens when our husband won’t and late night sexting is more stimulating than our spouse who’s lying in bed beside us.
I’ve talked about this subject over the years hundreds, maybe even thousands of times. I’ve listened counseled, cried and sat with people in pain. And I know that cheating is much more and much deeper than the headlines that we read. The elaborate scheming it takes to cheat is unbelievable…Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger to mind. He not only cheated but his mistress lived with them as the housekeeper and he had a child with her! All the while Maria raised her kids, slept with him every night and they did life together. Infidelity is deep.
Maybe you’re in an affair right now, or you’re thinking about crossing that line. Maybe you’ve had an affair and it’s eating away at you and you don’t know how to tell your spouse. Maybe you’ve been cheated on, betrayed and you’re mad as hell and don’t know if you can ever get over it. Well tonight, this show is for you and for me…to help us talk about cheating in our relationships, why we cheat and most importantly if cheating happens, deciding if you stay or do you go?
It’s time that we push past the headlines and gossip. It’s time that we stop talking about cheating out there and start looking at ourselves and our own capacity to cheat. How are you ensuring you won’t let a casual relationship turn into something more? We live in a social media society these days. And with the advent of texting, Facebook, and email, it’s made it a TON easier to find people, connect with people and have constant conversation off the radar. It’s also added a whole new dimension to the age-old dilemma of cheating. Is it cheating when you message an old girl or boy “friend” and your partner doesn’t know?
Today I want to take the masks off and get real. As your chief empowerment officer for MONTHS on this show I’ve shared my story and challenged you to think, reveal and share your lives with me. I want to start a REAL conversation right now about cheating in our relationships. My goal is simple: look in the mirror and discover why we cheat and what we we can each do if we are faced with infidelity. What do you think constitutes cheating in a relationship? If an affair happens, should the relationship automatically end?
If you’re daring, tell me why YOU cheat. If you’ve been cheated on, did you stay or did you go? Why? Let’s take the lid off this subject and find healing, reasons and empowerment for our relationships!
Interestingly enough, my Dad told me before he died in a very vulnerable moment that he cheated all those years with all those women because my mother “let him.” Does a spouse “allow” cheating to happen or are we as individuals responsible for our own actions? Be sure to leave your comments below!
TWO powerhouse women are on this show : AIYANA MA’AT a certified marriage and relationship educator and TV’s ‘Divorce Court’ JUDGE LYNN TOLER these ladies are bringing it real in this show! LISTEN HERE
I am your chief empowerment officer JENNIFER KEITT and this is THE JENNIFER KEITT SHOW on KISS 104, Atlanta’s R&B!
I am having a ball bringing you my unique ‘talktainment’ every week! Be sure to help me spread the word! Tell your friends and family to listen to my show Sundays from 7 -8 pm on KISS 104 in Atlanta or live online at http://www.kiss1041fm.com.
Boy do I have juicy conversation for you today! Our conversation today is about the NOT TALKED ABOUT THINGS in marriage. We are going to MARRIAGE SCHOOL ladies and gentlemen and I’d like to start this way…
As they swirled around the dance floor, everyone could see that the Prince and Cinderella were falling in love. He moved heaven and earth to find his Princess after that magical evening. The shoe fit, he married her and swept her away into his castle where they lived HAPPILY EVER AFTER!
Or is it?
If only it were that simple, right? If only we fell on love on the dance floor! If only ladies were really Princesses, and men were Princess then all of our troubles in marriage would be solved, you think?
Ok, I can admit it. I had a fairytale notion about marriage. I thought that marriage was an answer, the answer to my loneliness, my self-esteem issues, my money concerns and I definitely thought it answered my sex needs. I can admit it, I thought marriage was a magic pill that you swallowed that instantly made you happy and live HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
Well almost 26 years later, while I NOW know I did marry my Prince, BOTH he and I were some ugly TOADS along the way! My husband Tony and I jumped right in after dating straight to “living together.” We signed leases together, he was working and I was in college. And not only did we co-mingled our bodies and emotions, but co-mingled our lives. We did what felt right at that time. Eventually we did get married—two weeks after I graduated college—and then we began to attempt to become one all over again as a married couple.
Well it worked, EVENTUALLY, but boy if I could have had some help along the way, how much LESS difficult things would have been. I think Tony and I have been through almost everything that we’re going to discuss. I’m calling this MARRIAGE SCHOOL—the NOT TAUGHT subjects in marriage!
No one taught me anything about living together. All I heard was what the old-folks used to say–NO SHACKING! I never fooled myself into thinking Tony and I were really “married” when we weren’t but honestly both of our lives were COMPLETELY intertwined—and if one of us just walked away—the other person would have had to try to untangle the mess. With new statistics being released JUST THIS WEEK from the CDC stating that 1 IN 4 BABIES ARE BEING BORN TO UNWED COUPLES LIVING TOGETHER, I thought we should go to school on this subject tonight.
Well what about sex—or should I say HAVING NO SEX—once you get married. I bought into what “they” said about having all the sex you want—kind of on-demand—once you got married. Of course YOU GOT MARRIED TO HAVE SEX! But then you don’t! What’s up with that? Tony and I have hit our dry spots in this area too—and so I knew we have to go to school on HOW TO HAVE SEX!
Now I can say I haven’t dealt with this next area but many, many couples have faced or are facing INFIDELITY. But hold up, today’s MARRIAGE SCHOOL lesson is on being married but on the DOWN LOW! According to one of my guest EXPERTS …PLENTY—with a capital P—of average-Joe, Black guys, here in Atlanta are messing around with other MEN while being married to women!! I can’t wait to hear more!!
Whew…marriage is no joke!
And we’re GOING TO MARRIAGE SCHOOL for the subjects NOT BEING TAUGHT OR TALKED ABOUT in marriage!
If you’re single, listen to get schooled. If you’re married, LISTEN and TAKE NOTES! If your relationship status on Facebook says IT’S COMPLICATED, you know you better keep it locked here AND EVERYONE call in with your thoughts, questions or comments on MARRIAGE—the NOT taught subjects! My private hotline number is 404-906-7720, please leave your comments, questions and thoughts anonymously.
The Jennifer Keitt Show relationship contributor, DR. RONN ELMORE says that marriage is what he calls AN OUTRAGEOUS COMMITMENT because it’s the ONLY commitment that we make until we die! You’ve got to get in on this conversation! Call my private Show hotline number 404-906-7720 to leave your questions, thoughts and comments anonymously.
I am Jennifer Keitt, your Chief Empowerment Officer, and this is our MARRIAGE SCHOOL show, the NOT TAUGHT or TALKED ABOUT TOPICS in marriage. LISTEN RIGHT NOW by clicking this link and be sure to call my private show hotline number with your anonymous questions, thoughts and comments on the show: 404-906-7720.
The Jennifer Keitt Show airs weekly, 7 -8 pm Sundays on KISS 104, Atlanta’s R&B.
“He choked me so hard that my eyes were literally bulging out of their sockets,” the young woman told me, “when I looked in the mirror I saw what I would look like dead.” I gasped, unable to fathom why this beautiful young black woman would endure eight horrific years of violence. She recalled the exact dates (every one of them) in which her ex beat her. “He tied me up on the bed, spread my legs and beat me down there (she said pointing to her private area)…he punched me in my stomach over and over, he beat me until I was numb in both legs. Then he used a stapler and stapled me in my legs…I couldn’t even feel it…” I sat staring at her wide-eyed. I kept looking at this smart young woman, unable to rationalize why she would choose to be with a man who made her life a living hell. “I lost two babies because of the beatings…he even tied our wrists together at night so that when I moved he would know. If I had to use the bathroom, he would get up with me, wait (and watch) me use the bathroom and then tie us back together again.” She said point blank she couldn’t leave him. When I finally asked why in the world she stayed with him, she told me her reason without blinking.
“What kind of sex was he giving you?” I exclaimed as we both burst out laughing together breaking the tension of her story.
“I never felt the way he made me feel (her face actually changed ‘lighting up’ as I saw her eyes shimmer slightly)…he was my first love…I never had an orgasm before…I was hooked…”
He was shot 13 times and killed, that’s the only way she was able to escape his hold.
Why the need for this curriculum? For multiple reasons: (1) we put our teens through a rigorous, thorough process—complete with multiple comprehensive tests—to learn how to drive a car at 16, but we don’t require, teach, or even broach the subject of sexuality with them, who they are is much more important that being able to drive; (2) because sex is influencing, controlling and determining the futures of our young urban women; (3) because our ‘sex education’ courses treat the symptoms and negative outcomes of sexual activity without empowering women to make healthy sexual choices and (4) because our teens and young adults have been dropped into the middle of a hyper-sexualized culture—like a soldier without any weapons in a war—having little to no self-understanding, strategies or the ability to make healthy sexual choices.
Our young women need sexual healing and empowerment. Their lives depend on it.
I’ve completed a brand new curriculum entitled “Sexually Healthy Women.” If you’d like more information about it, I’d love to hear from you! Contact me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org. In the meantime, post your comments below. What are your thoughts on being a sexually healthy woman?
As women there are lies that we believe that keep up from truly living effective lies. In this powerful series JENNIFER KEITT shares her ‘point of view’ on the 10 Lies Women Believe. Click the link to discover lie #2!