“He choked me so hard that my eyes were literally bulging out of their sockets,” the young woman told me, “when I looked in the mirror I saw what I would look like dead.” I gasped, unable to fathom why this beautiful young black woman would endure eight horrific years of violence. She recalled the exact dates (every one of them) in which her ex beat her. “He tied me up on the bed, spread my legs and beat me down there (she said pointing to her private area)…he punched me in my stomach over and over, he beat me until I was numb in both legs. Then he used a stapler and stapled me in my legs…I couldn’t even feel it…” I sat staring at her wide-eyed. I kept looking at this smart young woman, unable to rationalize why she would choose to be with a man who made her life a living hell. “I lost two babies because of the beatings…he even tied our wrists together at night so that when I moved he would know. If I had to use the bathroom, he would get up with me, wait (and watch) me use the bathroom and then tie us back together again.” She said point blank she couldn’t leave him. When I finally asked why in the world she stayed with him, she told me her reason without blinking.
“What kind of sex was he giving you?” I exclaimed as we both burst out laughing together breaking the tension of her story.
“I never felt the way he made me feel (her face actually changed ‘lighting up’ as I saw her eyes shimmer slightly)…he was my first love…I never had an orgasm before…I was hooked…”
He was shot 13 times and killed, that’s the only way she was able to escape his hold.
Why the need for this curriculum? For multiple reasons: (1) we put our teens through a rigorous, thorough process—complete with multiple comprehensive tests—to learn how to drive a car at 16, but we don’t require, teach, or even broach the subject of sexuality with them, who they are is much more important that being able to drive; (2) because sex is influencing, controlling and determining the futures of our young urban women; (3) because our ‘sex education’ courses treat the symptoms and negative outcomes of sexual activity without empowering women to make healthy sexual choices and (4) because our teens and young adults have been dropped into the middle of a hyper-sexualized culture—like a soldier without any weapons in a war—having little to no self-understanding, strategies or the ability to make healthy sexual choices.
Our young women need sexual healing and empowerment. Their lives depend on it.
I’ve completed a brand new curriculum entitled “Sexually Healthy Women.” If you’d like more information about it, I’d love to hear from you! Contact me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org. In the meantime, post your comments below. What are your thoughts on being a sexually healthy woman?