I was talking with some friends the other night—young married women and you know I was really touched by how much MONEY impacts relationships.
breadwinning wivesAs they say, money makes the world go round, but I’ve discovered in LOVE relationships money can STOP your relationship from moving forward. Who makes the money —that question can set things on fire. Let me ask you, does it matter how much your significant other makes? C’mon be honest, what impact do paychecks have on your love life? Wait…what about if SHE makes MORE than HE does? Then what? Do the same age-old rules still apply?
Let’s find out.
Here’s a marital problem that I was reading about recently: this man said, “We’ve been married for 5 years plus and we have 2 kids. A few months after our wedding, my wife got a job with an oil company while I have always been a banker.” (SO BOTH PEOPLE IN THIS RELATIONSHIP WORK) He continues, “We were earning about the same salary when she started the job, but after a while she started earning more and now she earns almost twice my salary. With time (he says) she started disrespecting me and even talks any old way to me. We started having quarrels now and then and one day, out of anger and frustration I slapped her. (OH NO he didn’t!) Immediately after that I regretted ever raising my hands no matter the provocation. I begged for her forgiveness but she still holds it against me.  And to be honest, at the peak of the quarrels and insults, I was driven into the hands of another woman but I have confessed to her and promised her that it’ll never happen again, but she holds that against me too. When I finally got her to sit down and discuss our problems with a view of finding a lasting solution, she made it known to me that she’s NOT happy that she’s bringing more money home. In fact, she came right out and told me that I’m not doing enough to improve my career. I was surprised at that because I’m earning a very decent salary that most people can only dream of, I still tried to explain to her that what I have is a dream job . . . I’ve done my MBA and also have a PMP certification. But suddenly she claimed she doesn’t love me anymore and stopped me from touching her. This is really affecting me and my job  . . . I’m frustrated at the situation in my home as we live like two strangers. What do I do?”
What does he do? Physical abuse, adultery, arguing, no sex, and a gulf between them as wide as the Grand Canyon ALL BECAUSE SHE MAKES MORE MONEY THAN HE DOES! They should stop the nonsense, be grateful they are making money and get the CAHONAS to really talk about the role MONEY is playing in their supposed LOVE relationship.
I don’t love my husband Tony BECAUSE of how much he does or doesn’t make. I love him because of the KIND of person that he is and has always been. Yet, if I were to be honest DOLLARS at points in our relationship did make us loose our SENSE! In 1988 after the birth of our first child I gave up my TV and RADIO career to become a stay-at-home Mom. Yep, I know what it’s like to be the one who depends on your spouse. I trusted that my husband would provide for our growing family and it was one of the toughest things that I ever did because I’m an INDEPENDENT WOMAN taught not to rely on NOBODY. I was scared for years that if he left me high and dry I was gonna be out of luck. Thank God 26 years later he wasn’t that kind of person. So I know how important who makes the money is in relationships.
Should it matter who makes more? NO. But does it matter who makes more? YES IT DOES.
Ralph Richard Banks is the author of the book IS MARRIAGE FOR WHITE PEOPLE? And he states in an article “As a consequence of increased education and greater access to high-paying jobs, wives are more likely than ever before to earn more and to be better educated than their husbands. Among African-Americans, the group most likely to have role reversal marriages . . those relationships are often conflict-ridden and more likely to end in divorce than marriages where the partners are more economically and educationally compatible.”
Whoa! So does that mean if we don’t have the same degrees, and similar paychecks we can’t stay married. Come on Black folks! Is this true? Ladies, if your man makes less than you, for real, is that a problem? But what about LOVE? Or are you asking like TINA TURNER, “What’s LOVE Got To Do With It?” Gentlemen, is your ego so large that you can’t handle a woman who makes more money than you do? Does your paycheck define you as a man?
You know we’ve got to talk about this! Why? Because how we’re behaving is impacting our children and we’re raising a generation of kids who are CLUELESS about having long-lasting, meaningful, loving relationships.
So, how do men handle dating or marrying women who make more? YOU HAVE GOT TO HEAR THIS SHOW! My phone lines were ringing through the end of the show! LISTEN HERE.
I am your chief empowerment officer, JENNIFER KEITT and you can listen to THE JENNIFER KEITT SHOW exclusively on KISS 104, Atlanta’s R&B. Online live on Sunday’s 7 -8 pm ET: http://www.jenniferkeitt.com
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