I am on a mission to help you and your spouse GET BUSY in the bedroom! Plenty of surveys say that a majority of Americans are happy with their sex lives, but I’m skeptical. I’m skeptical because I talk with women privately—a lot—and I know that deep down many women want more, MUCH MORE. For far too many couples sex just isn’t cutting it. It’s routine, it’s stale, it’s boring and it’s not truly bringing fulfillment and connection like sex should.
Let me just rip into some of what I believe are some of the problems. First, there are TOO MANY people in the bedroom! Now apart from you swingers who want to get down with multiple people at the same time, the MAJORITY of us would be more than content if we could just have good, passionate, loving sex between us and our spouses, physically, emotionally and spiritually. But here’s the problem: overcrowded bedrooms. Who is he really thinking about in order to get it up? Who is she really thinking about when she’s lying there having sex with her man? Ex-girlfriends, ex-boyfriends, movie stars, co-workers…the person you’re having an affair with…and who knows WHO ELSE men and women are thinking about trying to have sex with their spouse!
And why do we have to watch other people with enlarged breasts and enlarged genitalia getting it on in a porn DVD just so that we can have sex with one that we say we love? Help me understand WHY I would have to watch another man in order to desire and want to have sex with MY MAN? What?? If my husband has to look at another woman’s breasts, or any other body parts, in order to find ME attractive, then I’m in trouble! Bedrooms are way too overcrowded…we don’t even know what WE truly desire, because we’re feeding on so many other people’s sex lives. We have VICTOR, VICTORIA & ALL THEIR SECRETS running around in our bedrooms and we wonder why sex with our spouses feels disconnected and unfulfilling?
Ok…then there’s the wham, bam, thank you ma’am routine that describes too many of our sex lives. Three moves and it’s done. Seriously?! Then you wonder why she’s always saying she’s tired. I know it’s the kids, it’s work, it’s stress…but really what it is—listen closely brothers—is that it’s TOO MUCH WORK to go through for three tired moves and a flip that leaves her completely UNSATISFIED. Sure, there’s comfort and sensuality that comes with knowing what your spouse likes and how to please…but there’s a line between pleasing and being lazy. Why work yourself up, she’s thinking, for nothing? She loves you but if she’s already stressed out…unfulfilling sex is NOT something she wants to add to her list.
Which brings me to one more HUGE problem: faking that we’re pleased when we really aren’t. Ladies, we’ve lied too long to men. We’ve told them we’re satisfied when we’re not faking orgasm! We’ve told them their great lovers when they’re NOT—they could be, but we won’t tell them what we want! We’ve held on to boring sex long enough. And gentlemen, you’ve held your tongue about her weight long enough. You’ve tolerated her insecurities and her using sex as a weapon for far too long. It’s time we come together ON THE SAME PAGE and learn how to bring the SPICE back into our sex lives!
So is it really possible to have dynamic, fulfilling and pleasing sex ALL THE TIME? Absolutely! An article that I read recently broke desire down into THREE components:  the first is DRIVE.
DRIVE IS: the biologic component of desire. IT’S when your body signals to you, through sexual thoughts a hunger or craving for sex. It’s very spontaneous. Most of us have a certain level of drive. We’re either born with a high level — maybe every day would be barely enough — and some of us, a moderate level — once a week would be plenty. But drive can certainly be impacted by many things, like illness and medicines.
Then there’s the second component comprised of your BELIEFS and your VALUES. Here’s where religious concerns or cultural prohibitions impact desire for the positive or negative.
And finally there’s MOTIVATION. Motivation is what creates a willingness to bring your body to a sexual experience. For example, you could have all the drive in the world, but if you’re not motivated to be intimate with a partner, because you’re angry, you’re worried or you’re having marital conflicts, then drive really goes out the window, and motivation will sort of rule the day.
So, it’s important to know which component of desire may be compromised if you’re having some problems. Men want SPICEY WIFEYS and women want to be SPICEY WIFEYS we just need help getting the SPICE GOING. That’s why I’m doing this show. As always callers weighed in throughout the show! LISTEN TO THIS SHOW HERE.
I am your chief empowerment officer JENNIFER KEITT and I’m talking about SPICEY WIFEY’S. The Jennifer Keitt show airs on KISS 104, Atlanta’s R&B every Sunday evening 7-8 pm.
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