Get Over “IT” Already! Don’t let life keep you down

This past Friday, I had a really trying day. A day that started straight from hell. I was traveling out of town. First, I thought I knew how to get back to the airport from my hotel. I didn’t. At 7:45 am, I was 30 MINUTES away from the car rental facility and my flight was leaving at 9:00! Thank God I WASN’T in Atlanta and the traffic gods were on my side…made it to the car rental place, boarded the car rental mini-bus and headed to the airport. I started to breathe…looked around at my belongings, made a mental note NOT to leave my laptop sitting next to me and enjoyed the five- minute ride.

When the driver stopped for my terminal, I grabbed my stuff and hurried to check-in. I walked through the glass doors of the terminal and felt that something was missing. I felt “lighter” and realized that I didn’t have my laptop! It was on the mini-bus that I saw driving away as I turned around.

The tears started welling up instantly. My life is on that laptop!

I quickly went into a tailspin because it was 8:35 and my flight was boarding in 25 minutes and I didn’t even have my boarding pass yet! I started dialing the rental car place…couldn’t get past that STUPID computerized system! I couldn’t think, I couldn’t calm down…I saw everything crumbling because I was faced right then and there with a choice—get on the plane and let go of the laptop with my whole life on it—DOCUMENTS and INFORMATION that I couldn’t easily replace—or chase down the laptop and miss my flight. The next flight wasn’t ‘til later in the afternoon, we had our small group meeting in our home that night, I wouldn’t be prepared and the whole day would be a complete disaster.

I called my rock—my husband Tony.

You’ve been here in your life more times that you can count. Not in my airport mess…but in your own LIFE MESS. You’ve been walking through life with issues that continue to derail you. The pain from that bad breakup, abusive family members, or childhood taunting that STILL impacts your self-confidence today. You’ve lived in the domino effect of when one thing goes wrong—like dominos—everything starts going wrong in your life. You get laid off from a job, can’t find work for a long time, bills pile up, you loose the house, relationship can’t take the break…you loose it and domino after domino falls. Or one HOT night of sex, leads to an unwanted pregnancy, which leads to the decision to abort and now you feel empty—domino after domino. Just like my day on Friday.

Life deals us some pretty nasty scenarios and ladies and gentlemen sometimes we need HELP getting over stuff.

Back at the airport on the phone with my husband he took control and yelled at me to calm down! Don’t think that was bad, it wasn’t. It was EXACTLY what I needed. INTERVENTION! He’d call the car rental company to track down the laptop, I would miss my flight, take a cab and go get my laptop. As I ran to the cab stand on the other side of the terminal, I slowly let go of all the dominos that would fall by missing the flight and I GOT OVER IT as I ran on the moving sidewalk.

Just then, I looked out the window and saw the car rental mini-bus! OOOOWEEEE! It was sitting outside the terminal. I bolted down the escalator, out the door and ran up to the mini-bus. The driver let me in and there it was sitting where I left it. I thanked him, grabbed it and ran back to check in.

I made the flight, with the laptop and learned that letting go and getting over stuff really works. It helps to bring clarity.

But what about REAL SERIOUS ISSUES. I know losing a laptop may not sound big to you—it is to me—and that’s the interesting thing about GETTING OVER STUFF. No matter how it appears to everyone else, if you’ve got something that’s holding YOU back, it’s huge. It’s big. It may seem insurmountable. It’s real for you, and it needs to be taken seriously by you.

How do we GET OVER miscarriages, or death of a loved one, or discrimination, never reaching our dreams, being a single parent, being shunned from church or not trusting anyone? Can we get over our PAST, grudges that we’ve held onto, getting fired or not getting a promotion? That’s what this show is about tonight GET OVER IT ALREADY! This may just be the most important conversation you’ve ever had. There’s power in telling our stories and hearing other’s stories.

I am your chief empowerment officer JENNIFER KEITT. Listen to this powerful show HERE .

The Jennifer Keitt Show is heard every Sunday from 7-8pm exclusively on KISS 104, Atlanta’s R&B!

Show Me The Money! Secrets Of Black Millionaires For You And Me!

Can I ask you something? Have you ever had a sleepless night worrying about money? Oh my goodness, I can’t tell you how much I worried about money! Raising four kids, I promise you I never thought we had enough. Honestly I was raised with a “not enough” mentality. My Dad taught me from a very young age to get in and stay in debt. His motto was “this country is built on credit and debt”—and what you don’t have, you can always borrow. My father got into as much debt as he could. When he got in over his head, he defaulted and kept it movin’.

He always, always had a get rich quick scheme up his sleeve. I remember one time when he returned from a trip he had all of these blueprints. He pulled them out and spread them all over the dining room table. He then showed my brothers and me the plot of land that he bought on an island to build a HOTEL. What?! We were a very, very average WORKING family. We didn’t have the money to build a hotel, no less a hotel on the beach on an island in the Caribbean. Questions like, “Dad how are you going to run a hotel down there . . . what about us?” Or, “Dad, do you know any builders on the Island who can build a hotel?” Or this OBVIOUS one, “Dad, where are you going to get the money?” Of course for this one, he did have an answer . . . he had talked to the bank down there (of course they said no) so he was trying to devise some way of convincing family, friends or banks here in the States to LEND him the money for his dream. But he’d bought land…a tiny plot, with a falling down shack on it, miles from the beach.

My Dad always wanted to be rich. He just didn’t have a clue how to do it.

And so when I got married I brought my broke, robbing Peter to pay Paul, borrowing, poor mentality STRAIGHT into my marriage! My husband Tony—on the other hand—grew up in a family who saved, ALL THE TIME, so you can imagine what kind of trouble we had… oooo weee…the fights! I wished we did fight about where to invest or how much to save. NO WAY. We fought about who was going to answer the phone for all the bill collectors calling…or which bill WASN’T going to get paid so that we could pay our mortgage. FOR YEARS we lived with huge amounts of credit card debt, revolving loans . . . and we struggled to save. But every Sunday in church we heard how God wants us prosperous, rich even. So checking the mailbox for checks or believing that somehow magically money was going to rain down from heaven became my weekly plight.

It was the worst time of my life.

An article that I read online, at creativemoney.biz, talked about the TOP money arguments for couples. Couples argue about merging money—should you have one joint account or separate HIS and HERS accounts.  Couples also argue about dealing with debt. And couples also argue about managing spending.

But folks, let’s stop a second and ask, WHAT ARE WE DOING FIGHTING ABOUT MONEY? What’s the real issue? I believe it’s that we ALL in some way want to be RICH—in whatever way RICH looks like for you.

For me, I always wanted to be a baller. To have a really nice home, well-dressed kids, driving nice cars and vacationing in exotic places. I got all those desires from my Dad who tried to be baller—even if he didn’t have the money. The only problem with my desire to be RICH was that I didn’t have a clue on how to handle money! Newsflash, you can’t become rich without money!! AND…the savvy to know how to handle money is CRUCIAL for success. We are literally KILLING ourselves on these jobs trying to make a dollar. We are chasing get rich quick schemes…or we’re heading deeper into debt, taking out PAYDAY LOANS to make ends meet. I have been in the grocery store line with a CREDIT CARD praying the transaction goes through. I don’t wish that on my worst enemy. But you know, ladies and gentlemen we have become our worst enemy when it comes to MONEY—particularly in the Black community. Do you know that a poll by the National Foundation for Credit Counseling found that 63% of consumers admitted that their money problems were their own fault—self-inflicted! We admit privately that we’re overspending, and that we’re financially unorganized. That’s putting it nicely.

It’s time that somebody SHOWS US THE MONEY! Why aren’t Black people making more? Why aren’t women further ahead financially? Wait…here’s the big, ginormous question, “HOW DO I BECOME RICH?”

That’s what I’m talking about in this show: SHOW ME THE MONEY! And my guest takes us right to places where FEW get to go, straight into the lives of Black America’s wealthiest. Secrets of Black millionaires. LISTEN TO THE SHOW HERE. I am your chief empowerment officer JENNIFER KEITT, and the JENNIFER KEITT SHOW is heard every Sunday, 7-8pm on KISS 104, Atlanta’s R&B. Visit my website at http://www.jenniferkeitt.com for more life empowerment resources, articles, radio shows and my exclusive ToolKEITT.

 

The Love Code! How Do You Know When You’re REALLY In Love?

Did you have a great Valentine’s Day? Opinions differ as to who was the original Valentine, but the most popular theory is that he was a clergyman who was executed for secretly marrying couples in ancient Rome. Since the beginning of time humans have been committed to the concept of marriage and love as demonstrated in this story:

One day, a young guy and girl fell in love. But the guy came from a poor family. The girl’s parents weren’t too happy.

 

So the young man decided not only to court the girl but to court her parents as well. In time, the parents saw that he was a good man and was worthy of their daughter’s hand.

 

But there was another problem: The man was a soldier. Soon, war broke out and he was being sent overseas for a year. The week before he left, the man knelt on his knee and asked his lady love, “Will you marry me?” She wiped a tear, said yes, and they were engaged. They agreed that when he got back in one year, they would get married.

 

But tragedy struck. A few days after he left, the girl had a major vehicular accident. It was a head-on collision. When she woke up in the hospital, she saw her father and mother crying. Immediately, she knew there was something wrong.

 

She later found out that she suffered brain injury. The part of her brain that controlled her face muscles was damaged. Her once lovely face was now disfigured. She cried as she saw herself in the mirror. “Yesterday, I was beautiful. Today, I’m a monster.” Her body was also covered with so many ugly wounds.

 

Right there and then, she decided to release her fiancé from their promise. She knew he wouldn’t want her anymore. She would forget about him and never see him again.

 

For one year, the soldier wrote many letters—but she wouldn’t answer. He phoned her many times but she wouldn’t return his calls.

 

After one year, the mother walked into her room and announced, “He’s back from the war.”

 

The girl shouted, “No! Please don’t tell him about me. Don’t tell him I’m here!”

 

The mother said, “He’s getting married,” and handed her a wedding invitation.

 

The girl’s heart sank. She knew she still loved him—but she had to forget him now.

 

With great sadness, she opened the wedding invitation.

 

And then she saw her name on it!

 

Confused, she asked, “What is this?”

 

That was when the young man entered her room with a bouquet of flowers. He knelt beside her and asked, “Will you marry me?”

 

The girl covered her face with her hands and said, “I’m ugly!”

 

The man said, “Without your permission, your mother sent me your photos. When I saw your photos, I realized that nothing has changed. You’re still the person I fell in love with. You’re still as beautiful as ever. Because I love you!”

 

NOW THAT is true love! HOW DO YOU KNOW that you’re really in love? You know it when external circumstances don’t change your decision to love. How do you know if it’s love or lust? Well love isn’t indecisive, sometimey, saying, I love you today but not tomorrow. If its lust the feelings eventually burn out, fade away. Love’s not based on how someone looks, or how much a person makes. Love is NOT sex. Love isn’t about what you can get from someone it’s about what you can BUILD together. Love goes the distance.

That’s what this show is about tonight: THE LOVE CODE. A code is a system of principles or rules. There are principles and rules associated with loving someone. How you treat the person you love and how they treat you. So, how do you know you’re in love? Do you follow the rules of love? It’s not HARD to love but it does take work. And we’re a workaholic nation—so what’s the big deal? Is loving too hard? What do you think? Tell me in the comment section and be sure to listen now to the show HERE.

I am your chief empowerment officer and my radio show, The Jennifer Keitt Show can be heard every Sunday evening from 7 – 8 pm ET on KISS 104, Atlanta’s R&B. Be sure to visit my website at http://www.jenniferkeitt.com and come to see me in person at my upcoming POWER BREAKFAST 2013: Reinvent You! Register and find out more information here: http://www.tbwpowerbreakfast.com. 

One-On-One With Sister Souljah . . . Talking About LOVE!

I had the opportunity recently to interview author, activist, Mother and thought-leader, SISTER SOULJAH recently. In this interview she shared her personal thoughts about relationships, the state of our world today and about love .

I asked Souljah, “What would you say your definition of love is and how do you write about that concept (of love) through your work?”

Souljah: “Well I believe that love is a topic that is probably as vast as the ocean so I think it’s something that you could put in a neat, one or two sentences. I believe that love is a feeling, an action, an attitude, a foundation. I think that without love everything else is in chaos. I think without love you never have peace, and I think the reason why we have so much chaos in our families is because we have  crisis in love. I also think the reason why we have so much chaos in our male-female relationships is because we have fallen out of love with one another.

I think that even in our friendships we have forgotten how to love and therefore our friendships are competitive and spiteful. There’s a lot of betrayal and there’s a lot of distance and these are things that should not be a component of friendship.”

JK: I recognize that we are all looking for something Souljah, what do you think we are looking for?

Souljah: “Ultimately, I think all of us are looking for love and acceptance, but that can be dangerous without guidance and clear examples of the thing we are looking for.”

Sister Souljah’s new book “Coldest Winter Ever” is available in bookstores and online. Visit my website at http://www.jenniferkeitt.com for more empowerment articles and information.

Friend, Freak Or Forever Lady?! Which One Are You?

In High School I was under the naïve impression that men and women COULD actually be friends. In fact I had lots of guy friends. Truth be told being the only girl with two brothers I preferred to hang with guys! Football players, band members, baseball players, guys in my classes, I was so o.k. with just being FRIENDS. Men bring a certain kind of energy—that YIN, YANG thing—that I love.

One guy in particular was my BEST friend throughout 11th grade. He was the first person I told about my boyfriend drama, or my family drama…we had class together, ate lunch together…did what best friends do. The beach was close to where I lived, so one day we drove to the beach to hang out.  We grabbed a couple of glasses, something to drink and strolled along the seashore. The beach is my absolute FAVORITE place on the planet to be . . . so I was darn near in heaven! Chillin with my friend until he turned and asked me, “have you ever seen us as more than friends?”

Whoa…what the?! My internal brakes slammed on…before I could stop myself I was saying EWWWWWWWW!!! NO! You’re my best friend…like a brother!! I saw his face ever so slowly start to contort and then I saw the hurt and disappointment show through his eyes.

Another male friend bit the dust. The relationship was never able to recover AND that’s when I figured out there is no way on the planet for men and women to be JUST FRIENDS! Yet all the advice out there suggests that couples should be friends and lovers.

But exactly how does friends work? Is it a given to have to move into the friends with benefits category? Hold up … Does a man even really want a friend? Or maybe he just really wants a freak? And how does he choose his FOREVER LADY? What if you ain’t giving up THE COOKIES before you get married? Are you doomed to always be just THE FRIEND?

It is apparent to me that MEN WANT BAD GIRLS. But just who are the bad girls? Carole Lieberman is author of the book “BAD GIRLS: WHY MEN LOVE THEM & HOW GOOD GIRLS CAN LEARN THEIR SECRETS.” She says there are 12 types of BAD GIRLS:

• The addict

• The sex siren

• The sexual withholder

• The gold-digger

• The married woman on the prowl

• The commitment-phobe

• The husband hunter and trapper

• The husband stealer

• The ultimate damsel in distress

• The cougar

• The ball-buster

• And The bad girl scorned

Whatever category she fits into, Carole says a bad girl is sexy, attractive, alluring, bold, seductive, fun, wild, exciting, flirtatious, cunning and smart. No wonder men are attracted to BAD GIRLS. They know just what a man wants to hear and just what he wants her to do to make him feel cared for. But if we’re honest, as women we grow up knowing that it’s expected that we are to have a split personality: GOOD GIRL public image; BAD GIRL private life. But what happens when you can’t reconcile the two demands? What happens to your self-esteem and your emotions if you can never seem to move out of the FRIEND category or FREAK category? If you’re a best friend or a booty call can you ever hope to be THE ONE?

Well that’s what I talked about: FRIEND, FREAK OR FOREVER LADY?! LISTEN TO THE SHOW HERE.

I am your Chief Empowerment Officer JENNIFER KEITT and The Jennifer Keitt Show airs on KISS 104, Atlanta’s R&B every Sunday evening from 7 -8 pm ET.

 

 

When SHE Makes More Than HE Does! Is it a problem in relationships?

I was talking with some friends the other night—young married women and you know I was really touched by how much MONEY impacts relationships.

As they say, money makes the world go round, but I’ve discovered in LOVE relationships money can STOP your relationship from moving forward. Who makes the money —that question can set things on fire. Let me ask you, does it matter how much your significant other makes? C’mon be honest, what impact do paychecks have on your love life? Wait…what about if SHE makes MORE than HE does? Then what? Do the same age-old rules still apply?

Let’s find out.

Here’s a marital problem that I was reading about recently: this man said, “We’ve been married for 5 years plus and we have 2 kids. A few months after our wedding, my wife got a job with an oil company while I have always been a banker.” (SO BOTH PEOPLE IN THIS RELATIONSHIP WORK) He continues, “We were earning about the same salary when she started the job, but after a while she started earning more and now she earns almost twice my salary. With time (he says) she started disrespecting me and even talks any old way to me. We started having quarrels now and then and one day, out of anger and frustration I slapped her. (OH NO he didn’t!) Immediately after that I regretted ever raising my hands no matter the provocation. I begged for her forgiveness but she still holds it against me.  And to be honest, at the peak of the quarrels and insults, I was driven into the hands of another woman but I have confessed to her and promised her that it’ll never happen again, but she holds that against me too. When I finally got her to sit down and discuss our problems with a view of finding a lasting solution, she made it known to me that she’s NOT happy that she’s bringing more money home. In fact, she came right out and told me that I’m not doing enough to improve my career. I was surprised at that because I’m earning a very decent salary that most people can only dream of, I still tried to explain to her that what I have is a dream job . . . I’ve done my MBA and also have a PMP certification. But suddenly she claimed she doesn’t love me anymore and stopped me from touching her. This is really affecting me and my job  . . . I’m frustrated at the situation in my home as we live like two strangers. What do I do?”

What does he do? Physical abuse, adultery, arguing, no sex, and a gulf between them as wide as the Grand Canyon ALL BECAUSE SHE MAKES MORE MONEY THAN HE DOES! They should stop the nonsense, be grateful they are making money and get the CAHONAS to really talk about the role MONEY is playing in their supposed LOVE relationship.

I don’t love my husband Tony BECAUSE of how much he does or doesn’t make. I love him because of the KIND of person that he is and has always been. Yet, if I were to be honest DOLLARS at points in our relationship did make us loose our SENSE! In 1988 after the birth of our first child I gave up my TV and RADIO career to become a stay-at-home Mom. Yep, I know what it’s like to be the one who depends on your spouse. I trusted that my husband would provide for our growing family and it was one of the toughest things that I ever did because I’m an INDEPENDENT WOMAN taught not to rely on NOBODY. I was scared for years that if he left me high and dry I was gonna be out of luck. Thank God 26 years later he wasn’t that kind of person. So I know how important who makes the money is in relationships.

Should it matter who makes more? NO. But does it matter who makes more? YES IT DOES.

Ralph Richard Banks is the author of the book IS MARRIAGE FOR WHITE PEOPLE? And he states in an article “As a consequence of increased education and greater access to high-paying jobs, wives are more likely than ever before to earn more and to be better educated than their husbands. Among African-Americans, the group most likely to have role reversal marriages . . those relationships are often conflict-ridden and more likely to end in divorce than marriages where the partners are more economically and educationally compatible.”

Whoa! So does that mean if we don’t have the same degrees, and similar paychecks we can’t stay married. Come on Black folks! Is this true? Ladies, if your man makes less than you, for real, is that a problem? But what about LOVE? Or are you asking like TINA TURNER, “What’s LOVE Got To Do With It?” Gentlemen, is your ego so large that you can’t handle a woman who makes more money than you do? Does your paycheck define you as a man?

You know we’ve got to talk about this! Why? Because how we’re behaving is impacting our children and we’re raising a generation of kids who are CLUELESS about having long-lasting, meaningful, loving relationships.

So, how do men handle dating or marrying women who make more? YOU HAVE GOT TO HEAR THIS SHOW! My phone lines were ringing through the end of the show! LISTEN HERE.

I am your chief empowerment officer, JENNIFER KEITT and you can listen to THE JENNIFER KEITT SHOW exclusively on KISS 104, Atlanta’s R&B. Online live on Sunday’s 7 -8 pm ET: http://www.jenniferkeitt.com

Spicey Wifey!

I am on a mission to help you and your spouse GET BUSY in the bedroom! Plenty of surveys say that a majority of Americans are happy with their sex lives, but I’m skeptical. I’m skeptical because I talk with women privately—a lot—and I know that deep down many women want more, MUCH MORE. For far too many couples sex just isn’t cutting it. It’s routine, it’s stale, it’s boring and it’s not truly bringing fulfillment and connection like sex should.

Let me just rip into some of what I believe are some of the problems. First, there are TOO MANY people in the bedroom! Now apart from you swingers who want to get down with multiple people at the same time, the MAJORITY of us would be more than content if we could just have good, passionate, loving sex between us and our spouses, physically, emotionally and spiritually. But here’s the problem: overcrowded bedrooms. Who is he really thinking about in order to get it up? Who is she really thinking about when she’s lying there having sex with her man? Ex-girlfriends, ex-boyfriends, movie stars, co-workers…the person you’re having an affair with…and who knows WHO ELSE men and women are thinking about trying to have sex with their spouse!

And why do we have to watch other people with enlarged breasts and enlarged genitalia getting it on in a porn DVD just so that we can have sex with one that we say we love? Help me understand WHY I would have to watch another man in order to desire and want to have sex with MY MAN? What?? If my husband has to look at another woman’s breasts, or any other body parts, in order to find ME attractive, then I’m in trouble! Bedrooms are way too overcrowded…we don’t even know what WE truly desire, because we’re feeding on so many other people’s sex lives. We have VICTOR, VICTORIA & ALL THEIR SECRETS running around in our bedrooms and we wonder why sex with our spouses feels disconnected and unfulfilling?

Ok…then there’s the wham, bam, thank you ma’am routine that describes too many of our sex lives. Three moves and it’s done. Seriously?! Then you wonder why she’s always saying she’s tired. I know it’s the kids, it’s work, it’s stress…but really what it is—listen closely brothers—is that it’s TOO MUCH WORK to go through for three tired moves and a flip that leaves her completely UNSATISFIED. Sure, there’s comfort and sensuality that comes with knowing what your spouse likes and how to please…but there’s a line between pleasing and being lazy. Why work yourself up, she’s thinking, for nothing? She loves you but if she’s already stressed out…unfulfilling sex is NOT something she wants to add to her list.

Which brings me to one more HUGE problem: faking that we’re pleased when we really aren’t. Ladies, we’ve lied too long to men. We’ve told them we’re satisfied when we’re not faking orgasm! We’ve told them their great lovers when they’re NOT—they could be, but we won’t tell them what we want! We’ve held on to boring sex long enough. And gentlemen, you’ve held your tongue about her weight long enough. You’ve tolerated her insecurities and her using sex as a weapon for far too long. It’s time we come together ON THE SAME PAGE and learn how to bring the SPICE back into our sex lives!

So is it really possible to have dynamic, fulfilling and pleasing sex ALL THE TIME? Absolutely! An article that I read recently broke desire down into THREE components:  the first is DRIVE.

DRIVE IS: the biologic component of desire. IT’S when your body signals to you, through sexual thoughts a hunger or craving for sex. It’s very spontaneous. Most of us have a certain level of drive. We’re either born with a high level — maybe every day would be barely enough — and some of us, a moderate level — once a week would be plenty. But drive can certainly be impacted by many things, like illness and medicines.

Then there’s the second component comprised of your BELIEFS and your VALUES. Here’s where religious concerns or cultural prohibitions impact desire for the positive or negative.

And finally there’s MOTIVATION. Motivation is what creates a willingness to bring your body to a sexual experience. For example, you could have all the drive in the world, but if you’re not motivated to be intimate with a partner, because you’re angry, you’re worried or you’re having marital conflicts, then drive really goes out the window, and motivation will sort of rule the day.

So, it’s important to know which component of desire may be compromised if you’re having some problems. Men want SPICEY WIFEYS and women want to be SPICEY WIFEYS we just need help getting the SPICE GOING. That’s why I’m doing this show. As always callers weighed in throughout the show! LISTEN TO THIS SHOW HERE.

I am your chief empowerment officer JENNIFER KEITT and I’m talking about SPICEY WIFEY’S. The Jennifer Keitt show airs on KISS 104, Atlanta’s R&B every Sunday evening 7-8 pm.

VISIT The Jennifer Keitt Show WEBSITE

 

How To Handle Workplace Frustrations

Maybe you’re thankful for loving families, good husbands and wives and healthy kids. But I wonder how many of you are really and truly THANKFUL for your jobs? Now I don’t mean being thankful for being employed or bringing home a paycheck, I mean being truly thankful for your place of employment, your boss, your co-workers (ALL of them!), and your company.

Not on somedays, but EVERYDAY!

Yeah I know because everyone got beat up in some way during the recession we may be a little hesitant to admit that we’re secretly frustrated as heck with our jobs. Now I didn’t say we were ungrateful for being employed but I am saying that the personal toll our jobs are taking on many of us is almost UNREAL. And this time of year the pressure to buy all that stuff doesn’t give us a moment to think about how much our jobs are weighing us down. It seems almost sacrilegious to say out loud that we’re tired–sick and tired–of our bosses. It may be hard to admit that you’re ready to punch a co-worker in the face if she says one more rude thing to you! Between the overloaded work schedules, completely messed-up work/family balance and the doom-and-gloom atmosphere that many of us experience daily, our 9-5’s are the single greatest source of frustration in our lives. We’re dealing with gossiping colleagues, tedious work, and levels of anxiety that are through the roof. Many doctors that I’ve talked to say that prescription medication for anxiety is at record-levels this year! Go ahead..whisper to yourself “I’m tired of my job!” Now breathe…because tonight I’m going to help you do something about that pain in your butt called your J-O-B!

Research shows that 60- 80% of ALL difficulties in organizations stem from strained relationships between employees. That means a big, big source of what’s bothering you right now and night after night is someone you work with. The typical manager is spending 25- 40% of his or her time dealing with workplace conflict and drama. Almost HALF of your boss’ time is dealing with mess and drama! When’s the work getting done?

I can’t tell you the numbers of people that I know personally who are sick and tired of their jobs. They’re holding on wishing, hoping, thinking that things will change. But the truth is, jobs don’t change, PEOPLE CHANGE. You and I have got do something different if we hope to get out of the frustrated place many of us are in on our jobs.  You’re trying to medicate the frustration you feel with alcohol or the gym or even venting with your spouse but it ain’t working! You’re still frustrated and apathy may be setting in leaving you lacking the motivation to even do your job. Maybe your company is talking about downsizing and with the holiday season here, you’re worried about losing your job. Or on the other hand, you feel that your work and actions don’t even matter.

Bottomline, all of these feelings and triggers have you in a constant state of anxiety and you’re NOT content or happy. You’re miserable, your spouse is miserable, the kids and even the dog is miserable and that’s no way to live. Why do I care? Because, I’ve been there and have seen first hand what happens when we get out of control on our jobs. Growing up, I watched my Father get fired time and time and time again. He couldn’t buy a job at one point. The drama that always ensued on his jobs was predictable like clockwork and because he didn’t have a release, a way to talk it out, a way to develop coping skills, he ended up losing job after job after job.

But I want to help save your job and save your sanity tonight. Too many of you are taking to your twitter and Facebook accounts to express your displeasure.

YOU’RE GOING TO GET FIRED IF YOU CONTINUE TO DO THAT! Case in point the Huffington Post had a story about a former waitress at a pizza restaurant. She became irritated after she had to stay past her shift to wait on a table of two. When the table cleared, the guests left what she thought was an inadequate tip. She used curse words when venting on her Facebook page that night and she called the customers cheap. She was fired for complaining about customers on her page. She said she didn’t expect to be fired over something she called “very small” but the company said she violated policy and that they care about what people say about their customers.

You’re employer is NEVER going to be cool with you venting through social media, that’s why I’m doing this show so that we can talk about HOW TO DEAL WITH WORKPLACE FRUSTRATION in healthy, positive manner. I was surprised during this show our phones NEVER stopped ringing! LISTEN NOW TO THIS SHOW.

I am your chief empowerment officer JENNIFER KEITT and I’m empowering you to keep your job! HOW TO HANDLE WORKPLACE FRUSTRATION. THE JENNIFER KEITT SHOW can be heard every Sunday on KISS 104, Atlanta’s R&B.

 

 

Good Boys, Bad Boys & Momma’s Boys: The Men Women LOVE And Why We Love Them!

Get ready because I’m going there, right smack dab into the middle of your love life!

One of my producers found this saying this week, to set us up for this topic: it says “BAD BOYS AINT NO GOOD – GOOD BOYS AINT NO FUN?” Is this true? You better believe it is!  The choices that we make as women prove it. I think we’re afraid to admit it, but let me tell you what I know about you—about many women in fact—we have BAD BOYS in our past! And not all of them were mistakes. These bad boys offer us a challenge, we find them exciting, stimulating, dangerous even. Their swag, their arrogance masked as confidence, their social capital, we KNOW IT, they’re TROUBLE with a capital T!

I can still remember my first bad boy. I was the new girl that year. First day of school, I walked onto the school bus I looking for an open seat. The bus started moving I jerked forward and awkwardly made my way down the aisle, trying desperately not to fall. I past row after row of kids who were doubled up…even tripled up on every seat. The bus was packed and as I made my way toward the back, I started panicking thinking, “Oh my goodness, I’m going to have to stand all the way to school!” And then I saw him. Sitting in the middle of a seat, alone. I stopped and asked him was the seat taken. And he looked at me…and I knew instantly…he was a “somebody” in the pecking order of high school…and I was gonna be embarrassed if he didn’t say I could sit.  Well he said yes and my life wasn’t the same again that entire school year. On that first bus ride to school…my first day of my JUNIOR YEAR in a new school, I sat down next to the quintessential star of the basketball team, star of the football team, senior BAD BOY. I knew deep down in my gut that this guy was trouble…and I KNEW that I should stay away. I didn’t, I ran to him and I paid dearly for it!

Fast forward to college. Now you’d think I’d learned my lesson right? NO! Just like you, I wanted what I wanted. I was grown, in college. So I started dating this guy, but he was “good” guy: smart and funny, I met his Mom and family he came from a good background. Well everything was cool until he decided to pledge a FRATERNITY. Now here’s where things got really, really, interesting.

I learned in college that guys can change categories. Good boys can become bad. Week after week, after week as he got closer and closer to crossing—I saw my GOOD GUY transform into a BAD BOY right before my eyes. I was like, really? Why is your apartment filling up with women—who were these girls? Besides practicing your steps for the Greek show—what else are you practicing up in here? No one was on him like that when we started dating. But I learned in college that colors and a cane—oops did I say cane—well I learned that a FRATERNAL ORGANIZATION can change a brother BIG TIME. In fact, FRAT BOYS were bad boys on campus. I watched as my guy crossed and lost his mind and of course I was a casualty of that war. What guy would want one girl when you could have all girls—at the same time if you wanted? On campus I saw guys who were nobodies became BAD BOY somebodies because they pledged a FRAT. And the women ate it up—literally!

Here’s why I’m talking about this. Guys every day you’re trying your darndest, you’re trying to wine and dine your woman, trying to be nice and date nice young ladies and you can’t win for losing. She’s taking advantage of your kindness, playing you for a fool, making you feel like a punk…and you can’t figure her out. Ladies, you continue to pursue and go after the bad boys time and time again. Here’s what you say, “I got this! I can change him!” You’re convinced you can change him. And you wind up hurt over and over again. I’m tired of women and men walking around blind with jacked up relationships. Women can’t find the love they want because they keep getting screwed by BAD BOYS—or when they do find a good guy, they mess it up because they don’t know how to handle being treated well. And men don’t know what the heck women want! They try to treat us with kindness or respect and we piss ‘em off because we say they’re weak and boring. This madness has GOT to stop! That’s why I’m doing this show so we can make our way toward better relationships. Let’s get this party started! The phones never stopped ringing throughout this show . . . LISTEN TO THE SHOW HERE NOW.

GOOD BOYS, BAD BOYS & MOMMA’S BOYS: The men women love and WHY we love them. Our conversation extends to FACEBOOK, TWITTER #jkshow and MY WEBSITE’S live chat www.jenniferkeitt.com. I am your CHIEF EMPOWERMENT OFFICER, Jennifer Keitt, and THE JENNIFER KEITT SHOW broadcasts every Sunday, 7-8 pm on KISS 104, Atlanta’s R&B.

 

Intervention! How to get into someone’s business to save their life!

Right now, I want you to take a moment and think through your family, your friends, colleagues, co-workers, church members is there a person close to you who’s an alcoholic? A compulsive gambler? Maybe there’s someone you know who’s abusing drugs or plagued with an eating disorder? Are there people in your life today who you know need to clean up their act?

One Thanksgiving years ago my kids, my husband and I were visiting with family…Aunts, Uncles, cousins, everyone was sitting around talking, laughing, having a good time when HE burst into the house. The He was one of my Uncles who for as long as I can remember was considered the “black sheep” of the family. EVERYONE in my family talked about him for YEARS! Well this night he rolled into the house ranting and raving, cussing, drunk out of his mind, high, smelling like urine and outdoors…sent everyone into a frenzy! But his invasion that night wasn’t anything new. He’d been an alcoholic, a drug users, hustler, gambler, abuser since he was a teen. We all grew up knowing that “that Uncle” had problems…needed help. And yet, I can’t recall a time when as a family we got together and said ENOUGH ALREADY and intervened FOR REAL in his life.

That’s how we do isn’t it, especially in the Black community. It seems as though we’ve have a “DON’T GET INTO ANYONE’S BUSINESS” mentality. But it’s WRONG! Don’t let those that you love and care about die right there in front of your face! People with addiction with deep problems don’t see the negative effects of their behavior.  AND I’m saying to you tonight, GET UP OFF YOUR BUTT AND GET INTO THEIR BUSINESS!

The chic technical term for what I’m talking about is called STAGING AN INTERVENTION.  There are several reality shows on TV that show people staging an intervention for their loved ones. It’s not pretty. In fact, it’s downright nasty. An intervention is a confrontation for getting a loved one the help that they need. Any person that is addicted to anything—drugs, bad relationships, gambling, alcohol, over-eating, over-spending, pornography, even computer or video games—anything that affects their health and their family’s health adversely can be helped by an intervention. Intervention works because it’s relentless AND THAT’S WHAT WE MUST DO, RELENTLESSLY PURSUE THE ONE’S WE LOVE. In spite of the hurt. In spite of the pain. Our failure to get into people’s business ends up costing all of us. Addicts steal, they commit crime, they wreak havoc on their families and they cost us money as a society NEVERMIND the damage that they do to themselves. If all of us would just focus on that ONE relative, husband, daughter, son-in-law or mother who’s strung out, then we can begin to change the tide.

I am your chief empowerment officer JENNIFER KEITT and I’m saying GET INTO THEIR BUSINESS, let’s learn how to stage interventions to help save the lives of those we care about most. This show is going to tell you how to do it. LISTEN RIGHT NOW.  The Jennifer Keitt Show is heard  exclusively on KISS 104, Atlanta’s R&B, every Sunday evening from 7- 8 pm ET.