Archives for posts with tag: Relationship
african american coupleDid you have a great Valentine’s Day? Opinions differ as to who was the original Valentine, but the most popular theory is that he was a clergyman who was executed for secretly marrying couples in ancient Rome. Since the beginning of time humans have been committed to the concept of marriage and love as demonstrated in this story:
One day, a young guy and girl fell in love. But the guy came from a poor family. The girl’s parents weren’t too happy.
 
So the young man decided not only to court the girl but to court her parents as well. In time, the parents saw that he was a good man and was worthy of their daughter’s hand.
 
But there was another problem: The man was a soldier. Soon, war broke out and he was being sent overseas for a year. The week before he left, the man knelt on his knee and asked his lady love, “Will you marry me?” She wiped a tear, said yes, and they were engaged. They agreed that when he got back in one year, they would get married.
 
But tragedy struck. A few days after he left, the girl had a major vehicular accident. It was a head-on collision. When she woke up in the hospital, she saw her father and mother crying. Immediately, she knew there was something wrong.
 
She later found out that she suffered brain injury. The part of her brain that controlled her face muscles was damaged. Her once lovely face was now disfigured. She cried as she saw herself in the mirror. “Yesterday, I was beautiful. Today, I’m a monster.” Her body was also covered with so many ugly wounds.
 
Right there and then, she decided to release her fiancé from their promise. She knew he wouldn’t want her anymore. She would forget about him and never see him again.
 
For one year, the soldier wrote many letters—but she wouldn’t answer. He phoned her many times but she wouldn’t return his calls.
 
After one year, the mother walked into her room and announced, “He’s back from the war.”
 
The girl shouted, “No! Please don’t tell him about me. Don’t tell him I’m here!”
 
The mother said, “He’s getting married,” and handed her a wedding invitation.
 
The girl’s heart sank. She knew she still loved him—but she had to forget him now.
 
With great sadness, she opened the wedding invitation.
 
And then she saw her name on it!
 
Confused, she asked, “What is this?”
 
That was when the young man entered her room with a bouquet of flowers. He knelt beside her and asked, “Will you marry me?”
 
The girl covered her face with her hands and said, “I’m ugly!”
 
The man said, “Without your permission, your mother sent me your photos. When I saw your photos, I realized that nothing has changed. You’re still the person I fell in love with. You’re still as beautiful as ever. Because I love you!”
 
NOW THAT is true love! HOW DO YOU KNOW that you’re really in love? You know it when external circumstances don’t change your decision to love. How do you know if it’s love or lust? Well love isn’t indecisive, sometimey, saying, I love you today but not tomorrow. If its lust the feelings eventually burn out, fade away. Love’s not based on how someone looks, or how much a person makes. Love is NOT sex. Love isn’t about what you can get from someone it’s about what you can BUILD together. Love goes the distance.
That’s what this show is about tonight: THE LOVE CODE. A code is a system of principles or rules. There are principles and rules associated with loving someone. How you treat the person you love and how they treat you. So, how do you know you’re in love? Do you follow the rules of love? It’s not HARD to love but it does take work. And we’re a workaholic nation—so what’s the big deal? Is loving too hard? What do you think? Tell me in the comment section and be sure to listen now to the show HERE.
I am your chief empowerment officer and my radio show, The Jennifer Keitt Show can be heard every Sunday evening from 7 – 8 pm ET on KISS 104, Atlanta’s R&B. Be sure to visit my website at http://www.jenniferkeitt.com and come to see me in person at my upcoming POWER BREAKFAST 2013: Reinvent You! Register and find out more information here: http://www.tbwpowerbreakfast.com. 
I was talking with some friends the other night—young married women and you know I was really touched by how much MONEY impacts relationships.
breadwinning wivesAs they say, money makes the world go round, but I’ve discovered in LOVE relationships money can STOP your relationship from moving forward. Who makes the money —that question can set things on fire. Let me ask you, does it matter how much your significant other makes? C’mon be honest, what impact do paychecks have on your love life? Wait…what about if SHE makes MORE than HE does? Then what? Do the same age-old rules still apply?
Let’s find out.
Here’s a marital problem that I was reading about recently: this man said, “We’ve been married for 5 years plus and we have 2 kids. A few months after our wedding, my wife got a job with an oil company while I have always been a banker.” (SO BOTH PEOPLE IN THIS RELATIONSHIP WORK) He continues, “We were earning about the same salary when she started the job, but after a while she started earning more and now she earns almost twice my salary. With time (he says) she started disrespecting me and even talks any old way to me. We started having quarrels now and then and one day, out of anger and frustration I slapped her. (OH NO he didn’t!) Immediately after that I regretted ever raising my hands no matter the provocation. I begged for her forgiveness but she still holds it against me.  And to be honest, at the peak of the quarrels and insults, I was driven into the hands of another woman but I have confessed to her and promised her that it’ll never happen again, but she holds that against me too. When I finally got her to sit down and discuss our problems with a view of finding a lasting solution, she made it known to me that she’s NOT happy that she’s bringing more money home. In fact, she came right out and told me that I’m not doing enough to improve my career. I was surprised at that because I’m earning a very decent salary that most people can only dream of, I still tried to explain to her that what I have is a dream job . . . I’ve done my MBA and also have a PMP certification. But suddenly she claimed she doesn’t love me anymore and stopped me from touching her. This is really affecting me and my job  . . . I’m frustrated at the situation in my home as we live like two strangers. What do I do?”
What does he do? Physical abuse, adultery, arguing, no sex, and a gulf between them as wide as the Grand Canyon ALL BECAUSE SHE MAKES MORE MONEY THAN HE DOES! They should stop the nonsense, be grateful they are making money and get the CAHONAS to really talk about the role MONEY is playing in their supposed LOVE relationship.
I don’t love my husband Tony BECAUSE of how much he does or doesn’t make. I love him because of the KIND of person that he is and has always been. Yet, if I were to be honest DOLLARS at points in our relationship did make us loose our SENSE! In 1988 after the birth of our first child I gave up my TV and RADIO career to become a stay-at-home Mom. Yep, I know what it’s like to be the one who depends on your spouse. I trusted that my husband would provide for our growing family and it was one of the toughest things that I ever did because I’m an INDEPENDENT WOMAN taught not to rely on NOBODY. I was scared for years that if he left me high and dry I was gonna be out of luck. Thank God 26 years later he wasn’t that kind of person. So I know how important who makes the money is in relationships.
Should it matter who makes more? NO. But does it matter who makes more? YES IT DOES.
Ralph Richard Banks is the author of the book IS MARRIAGE FOR WHITE PEOPLE? And he states in an article “As a consequence of increased education and greater access to high-paying jobs, wives are more likely than ever before to earn more and to be better educated than their husbands. Among African-Americans, the group most likely to have role reversal marriages . . those relationships are often conflict-ridden and more likely to end in divorce than marriages where the partners are more economically and educationally compatible.”
Whoa! So does that mean if we don’t have the same degrees, and similar paychecks we can’t stay married. Come on Black folks! Is this true? Ladies, if your man makes less than you, for real, is that a problem? But what about LOVE? Or are you asking like TINA TURNER, “What’s LOVE Got To Do With It?” Gentlemen, is your ego so large that you can’t handle a woman who makes more money than you do? Does your paycheck define you as a man?
You know we’ve got to talk about this! Why? Because how we’re behaving is impacting our children and we’re raising a generation of kids who are CLUELESS about having long-lasting, meaningful, loving relationships.
So, how do men handle dating or marrying women who make more? YOU HAVE GOT TO HEAR THIS SHOW! My phone lines were ringing through the end of the show! LISTEN HERE.
I am your chief empowerment officer, JENNIFER KEITT and you can listen to THE JENNIFER KEITT SHOW exclusively on KISS 104, Atlanta’s R&B. Online live on Sunday’s 7 -8 pm ET: http://www.jenniferkeitt.com

I am having a ball bringing you my unique ‘talktainment’ every week!  Be sure to help me spread the word! Tell your friends and family to listen to my show Sundays from 7 -8 pm on KISS 104 in Atlanta or live online at http://www.kiss1041fm.com.

Boy do I have juicy conversation for you today!  Our conversation today is about the NOT TALKED ABOUT THINGS in marriage. We are going to MARRIAGE SCHOOL ladies and gentlemen and I’d like to start this way…

As they swirled around the dance floor, everyone could see that the Prince and Cinderella were falling in love. He moved heaven and earth to find his Princess after that magical evening. The shoe fit, he married her and swept her away into his castle where they lived HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

The end…

Or is it?

If only it were that simple, right? If only we fell on love on the dance floor! If only ladies were really Princesses, and men were Princess then all of our troubles in marriage would be solved, you think?

Ok, I can admit it. I had a fairytale notion about marriage. I thought that marriage was an answer, the answer to my loneliness, my self-esteem issues, my money concerns and I definitely thought it answered my sex needs. I can admit it, I thought marriage was a magic pill that you swallowed that instantly made you happy and live HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

Well almost 26 years later, while I NOW know I did marry my Prince, BOTH he and I were some ugly TOADS along the way! My husband Tony and I jumped right in after dating straight to “living together.” We signed leases together, he was working and I was in college. And not only did we co-mingled our bodies and emotions, but co-mingled our lives. We did what felt right at that time. Eventually we did get married—two weeks after I graduated college—and then we began to attempt to become one all over again as a married couple.

YEAH RIGHT.

Well it worked, EVENTUALLY, but boy if I could have had some help along the way, how much LESS difficult things would have been. I think Tony and I have been through almost everything that we’re going to discuss. I’m calling this MARRIAGE SCHOOL—the NOT TAUGHT subjects in marriage!

No one taught me anything about living together. All I heard was what the old-folks used to say–NO  SHACKING! I never fooled myself into thinking Tony and I were really “married” when we weren’t but honestly both of our lives were COMPLETELY intertwined—and if one of us just walked away—the other person would have had to try to untangle the mess. With new statistics being released JUST THIS WEEK from the  CDC stating that 1 IN 4 BABIES ARE BEING BORN TO UNWED COUPLES LIVING TOGETHER, I thought we should go to school on this subject tonight.

Well what about sex—or should I say HAVING NO SEX—once you get married. I bought into what “they” said about having all the sex you want—kind of on-demand—once you got married. Of course YOU GOT MARRIED TO HAVE SEX! But then you don’t! What’s up with that? Tony and I have hit our dry spots in this area too—and so I knew we have to go to school on HOW TO HAVE SEX!

Now I can say I haven’t dealt with this next area but many, many couples have faced or are facing INFIDELITY. But hold up, today’s MARRIAGE SCHOOL lesson is on being married but on the DOWN LOW! According to one of my guest EXPERTS  …PLENTY—with a capital P—of average-Joe, Black guys, here in Atlanta are messing around with other MEN while being married to women!! I can’t wait to hear more!!

Whew…marriage is no joke!

And we’re GOING TO MARRIAGE SCHOOL for the subjects NOT BEING TAUGHT OR TALKED ABOUT in marriage!

If you’re single, listen to get schooled. If you’re married, LISTEN and TAKE NOTES! If your relationship status on Facebook says IT’S COMPLICATED, you know you better keep it locked here AND EVERYONE call in with your thoughts, questions or comments on MARRIAGE—the NOT taught subjects! My private hotline number is 404-906-7720, please leave your comments, questions and thoughts anonymously.

The Jennifer Keitt Show relationship contributor, DR. RONN ELMORE says that marriage is what he calls AN OUTRAGEOUS COMMITMENT because it’s the ONLY commitment that we make until we die! You’ve got to get in on this conversation! Call my private Show hotline number 404-906-7720 to leave your questions, thoughts and comments anonymously.

I am Jennifer Keitt, your Chief Empowerment Officer, and this is our MARRIAGE SCHOOL show, the NOT TAUGHT or TALKED ABOUT TOPICS in marriage. LISTEN RIGHT NOW by clicking this link and be sure to call my private show hotline number with your anonymous questions, thoughts and comments on the show: 404-906-7720.

 

The Jennifer Keitt Show airs weekly, 7 -8 pm Sundays on KISS 104, Atlanta’s R&B.

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