Spicey Wifey!

I am on a mission to help you and your spouse GET BUSY in the bedroom! Plenty of surveys say that a majority of Americans are happy with their sex lives, but I’m skeptical. I’m skeptical because I talk with women privately—a lot—and I know that deep down many women want more, MUCH MORE. For far too many couples sex just isn’t cutting it. It’s routine, it’s stale, it’s boring and it’s not truly bringing fulfillment and connection like sex should.

Let me just rip into some of what I believe are some of the problems. First, there are TOO MANY people in the bedroom! Now apart from you swingers who want to get down with multiple people at the same time, the MAJORITY of us would be more than content if we could just have good, passionate, loving sex between us and our spouses, physically, emotionally and spiritually. But here’s the problem: overcrowded bedrooms. Who is he really thinking about in order to get it up? Who is she really thinking about when she’s lying there having sex with her man? Ex-girlfriends, ex-boyfriends, movie stars, co-workers…the person you’re having an affair with…and who knows WHO ELSE men and women are thinking about trying to have sex with their spouse!

And why do we have to watch other people with enlarged breasts and enlarged genitalia getting it on in a porn DVD just so that we can have sex with one that we say we love? Help me understand WHY I would have to watch another man in order to desire and want to have sex with MY MAN? What?? If my husband has to look at another woman’s breasts, or any other body parts, in order to find ME attractive, then I’m in trouble! Bedrooms are way too overcrowded…we don’t even know what WE truly desire, because we’re feeding on so many other people’s sex lives. We have VICTOR, VICTORIA & ALL THEIR SECRETS running around in our bedrooms and we wonder why sex with our spouses feels disconnected and unfulfilling?

Ok…then there’s the wham, bam, thank you ma’am routine that describes too many of our sex lives. Three moves and it’s done. Seriously?! Then you wonder why she’s always saying she’s tired. I know it’s the kids, it’s work, it’s stress…but really what it is—listen closely brothers—is that it’s TOO MUCH WORK to go through for three tired moves and a flip that leaves her completely UNSATISFIED. Sure, there’s comfort and sensuality that comes with knowing what your spouse likes and how to please…but there’s a line between pleasing and being lazy. Why work yourself up, she’s thinking, for nothing? She loves you but if she’s already stressed out…unfulfilling sex is NOT something she wants to add to her list.

Which brings me to one more HUGE problem: faking that we’re pleased when we really aren’t. Ladies, we’ve lied too long to men. We’ve told them we’re satisfied when we’re not faking orgasm! We’ve told them their great lovers when they’re NOT—they could be, but we won’t tell them what we want! We’ve held on to boring sex long enough. And gentlemen, you’ve held your tongue about her weight long enough. You’ve tolerated her insecurities and her using sex as a weapon for far too long. It’s time we come together ON THE SAME PAGE and learn how to bring the SPICE back into our sex lives!

So is it really possible to have dynamic, fulfilling and pleasing sex ALL THE TIME? Absolutely! An article that I read recently broke desire down into THREE components:  the first is DRIVE.

DRIVE IS: the biologic component of desire. IT’S when your body signals to you, through sexual thoughts a hunger or craving for sex. It’s very spontaneous. Most of us have a certain level of drive. We’re either born with a high level — maybe every day would be barely enough — and some of us, a moderate level — once a week would be plenty. But drive can certainly be impacted by many things, like illness and medicines.

Then there’s the second component comprised of your BELIEFS and your VALUES. Here’s where religious concerns or cultural prohibitions impact desire for the positive or negative.

And finally there’s MOTIVATION. Motivation is what creates a willingness to bring your body to a sexual experience. For example, you could have all the drive in the world, but if you’re not motivated to be intimate with a partner, because you’re angry, you’re worried or you’re having marital conflicts, then drive really goes out the window, and motivation will sort of rule the day.

So, it’s important to know which component of desire may be compromised if you’re having some problems. Men want SPICEY WIFEYS and women want to be SPICEY WIFEYS we just need help getting the SPICE GOING. That’s why I’m doing this show. As always callers weighed in throughout the show! LISTEN TO THIS SHOW HERE.

I am your chief empowerment officer JENNIFER KEITT and I’m talking about SPICEY WIFEY’S. The Jennifer Keitt show airs on KISS 104, Atlanta’s R&B every Sunday evening 7-8 pm.

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Marriage School…the NOT taught or talked about subjects in marriage!

I am having a ball bringing you my unique ‘talktainment’ every week!  Be sure to help me spread the word! Tell your friends and family to listen to my show Sundays from 7 -8 pm on KISS 104 in Atlanta or live online at http://www.kiss1041fm.com.

Boy do I have juicy conversation for you today!  Our conversation today is about the NOT TALKED ABOUT THINGS in marriage. We are going to MARRIAGE SCHOOL ladies and gentlemen and I’d like to start this way…

As they swirled around the dance floor, everyone could see that the Prince and Cinderella were falling in love. He moved heaven and earth to find his Princess after that magical evening. The shoe fit, he married her and swept her away into his castle where they lived HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

The end…

Or is it?

If only it were that simple, right? If only we fell on love on the dance floor! If only ladies were really Princesses, and men were Princess then all of our troubles in marriage would be solved, you think?

Ok, I can admit it. I had a fairytale notion about marriage. I thought that marriage was an answer, the answer to my loneliness, my self-esteem issues, my money concerns and I definitely thought it answered my sex needs. I can admit it, I thought marriage was a magic pill that you swallowed that instantly made you happy and live HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

Well almost 26 years later, while I NOW know I did marry my Prince, BOTH he and I were some ugly TOADS along the way! My husband Tony and I jumped right in after dating straight to “living together.” We signed leases together, he was working and I was in college. And not only did we co-mingled our bodies and emotions, but co-mingled our lives. We did what felt right at that time. Eventually we did get married—two weeks after I graduated college—and then we began to attempt to become one all over again as a married couple.

YEAH RIGHT.

Well it worked, EVENTUALLY, but boy if I could have had some help along the way, how much LESS difficult things would have been. I think Tony and I have been through almost everything that we’re going to discuss. I’m calling this MARRIAGE SCHOOL—the NOT TAUGHT subjects in marriage!

No one taught me anything about living together. All I heard was what the old-folks used to say–NO  SHACKING! I never fooled myself into thinking Tony and I were really “married” when we weren’t but honestly both of our lives were COMPLETELY intertwined—and if one of us just walked away—the other person would have had to try to untangle the mess. With new statistics being released JUST THIS WEEK from the  CDC stating that 1 IN 4 BABIES ARE BEING BORN TO UNWED COUPLES LIVING TOGETHER, I thought we should go to school on this subject tonight.

Well what about sex—or should I say HAVING NO SEX—once you get married. I bought into what “they” said about having all the sex you want—kind of on-demand—once you got married. Of course YOU GOT MARRIED TO HAVE SEX! But then you don’t! What’s up with that? Tony and I have hit our dry spots in this area too—and so I knew we have to go to school on HOW TO HAVE SEX!

Now I can say I haven’t dealt with this next area but many, many couples have faced or are facing INFIDELITY. But hold up, today’s MARRIAGE SCHOOL lesson is on being married but on the DOWN LOW! According to one of my guest EXPERTS  …PLENTY—with a capital P—of average-Joe, Black guys, here in Atlanta are messing around with other MEN while being married to women!! I can’t wait to hear more!!

Whew…marriage is no joke!

And we’re GOING TO MARRIAGE SCHOOL for the subjects NOT BEING TAUGHT OR TALKED ABOUT in marriage!

If you’re single, listen to get schooled. If you’re married, LISTEN and TAKE NOTES! If your relationship status on Facebook says IT’S COMPLICATED, you know you better keep it locked here AND EVERYONE call in with your thoughts, questions or comments on MARRIAGE—the NOT taught subjects! My private hotline number is 404-906-7720, please leave your comments, questions and thoughts anonymously.

The Jennifer Keitt Show relationship contributor, DR. RONN ELMORE says that marriage is what he calls AN OUTRAGEOUS COMMITMENT because it’s the ONLY commitment that we make until we die! You’ve got to get in on this conversation! Call my private Show hotline number 404-906-7720 to leave your questions, thoughts and comments anonymously.

I am Jennifer Keitt, your Chief Empowerment Officer, and this is our MARRIAGE SCHOOL show, the NOT TAUGHT or TALKED ABOUT TOPICS in marriage. LISTEN RIGHT NOW by clicking this link and be sure to call my private show hotline number with your anonymous questions, thoughts and comments on the show: 404-906-7720.

 

The Jennifer Keitt Show airs weekly, 7 -8 pm Sundays on KISS 104, Atlanta’s R&B.

Sexually Healthy Women

Is there a need for a curriculum for young urban women entitled, “Sexually Healthy Women?” This true story may help answer that question.

“He choked me so hard that my eyes were literally bulging out of their sockets,” the young woman told me, “when I looked in the mirror I saw what I would look like dead.” I gasped, unable to fathom why this beautiful young black woman would endure eight horrific years of violence. She recalled the exact dates (every one of them) in which her ex beat her. “He tied me up on the bed, spread my legs and beat me down there (she said pointing to her private area)…he punched me in my stomach over and over, he beat me until I was numb in both legs. Then he used a stapler and stapled me in my legs…I couldn’t even feel it…” I sat staring at her wide-eyed. I kept looking at this smart young woman, unable to rationalize why she would choose to be with a man who made her life a living hell. “I lost two babies because of the beatings…he even tied our wrists together at night so that when I moved he would know. If I had to use the bathroom, he would get up with me, wait (and watch) me use the bathroom and then tie us back together again.” She said point blank she couldn’t leave him. When I finally asked why in the world she stayed with him, she told me her reason without blinking.

“Sex.”

“What kind of sex was he giving you?” I exclaimed as we both burst out laughing together breaking the tension of her story.

“I never felt the way he made me feel (her face actually changed ‘lighting up’ as I saw her eyes shimmer slightly)…he was my first love…I never had an orgasm before…I was hooked…”

He was shot 13 times and killed, that’s the only way she was able to escape his hold.

Why the need for this curriculum? For multiple reasons: (1) we put our teens through a rigorous, thorough process—complete with multiple comprehensive tests—to learn how to drive a car at 16, but we don’t require, teach, or even broach the subject of sexuality with them, who they are is much more important that being able to drive; (2) because sex is influencing, controlling and determining the futures of our young urban women; (3) because our ‘sex education’ courses treat the symptoms and negative outcomes of sexual activity without empowering women to make healthy sexual choices and (4) because our teens and young adults have been dropped into the middle of a hyper-sexualized culture—like a soldier without any weapons in a war—having little to no self-understanding, strategies or the ability to make healthy sexual choices.

Our young women need sexual healing and empowerment. Their lives depend on it.

I’ve completed a brand new curriculum entitled “Sexually Healthy Women.” If you’d like more information about it, I’d love to hear from you! Contact me directly at tbwradioshow@gmail.com.  In the meantime, post your comments below. What are your thoughts on being a sexually healthy woman?